Sunday, August 29, 2010

Hollywood Will Eat Itself

...if it's not already gnawed off its own arm. Or a hand by now, at least.

I'm not going to go in to the spate over the last - what, decade? - of Hollywood remakes. My MySpace profile (remember that?) says how I feel about the movie industry:

I lost most interest in Hollywood when it came to my attention that all the film industry can do anymore is either:

a) Remake all the old, GOOD movies into tripe that can't hold a candle to it (
Nightmare On Elm Street; The A-Team)

b) Make REALLY lousy movies out of TV shows (
The Dukes Of Hazard, for example...and don't even get me started on Miami Vice)

c) Generally churn out unimaginative, uninspired crap that's only there to fill some studio executive's pockets.

That should cover it. And you would think that, after Nightmare and The A-Team both tanked this year, that Hollywood would get the bloody (no pun intended) hint. But, no. It's getting worse. Don't even get me started on the idea of Justin Bieber starring in a Back To The Future remake. Just...don't. I don't have the rest of this year to devote the time to the ranting, and that sort of thing isn't even what I'm talking about right now.

No...what's happening lately is Hollywood playing Human Catepillar. The new trend now? You ready for this one? Remaking TV shows that were based on a movie and already attempted once before.

It's already started. Last year, as a matter of fact. If you watch Parenthood on NBC, you've already seen one. It was a (pretty good) movie in 1989...and already a TV show in 1990-91. On NBC, no less! Because, apparently, they didn't learn the first time.

Unfortunately, they're not alone. Luc Besson's La Femme Nikita is being remade this fall on the CW as, simply, "Nikita". This is cannibalism beyond comprehension seeing as how there was a remake of the movie ("Point of No Return" starring Bridget Fonda), and - again - a TV show in 1998 with Peta Wilson on the USA Network. Grief, how many times are we gonna mine that one? Was the original SO BAD that we had to try it three more times? (Short answer: no.)

And that's not all! There's also word that there's another series in development based on...wait for it...The Net. You know, that now-awfully-dated 1995 movie with Sandra Bullock? When they were using, like 28.8 Kbps modems and maybe 200 Mb hard drives and stuff? Yeah. And it was already a TV series in 1998 on the USA Network, too. (Seeing a pattern here?)

I mean, what's next? Another Highlander series? Hey, why don't we give Clueless another run? And, really, isn't the world just waiting for that "AfterM*A*S*H*" redux?

Really, it's seeing stuff like this that this Blog has its name - and sub-title - in the first place.

I could rant and rave about ghow the public probably wants more original stories and ideas instead of this laziness, but I've said it. Several times. Until I'm so blue in the face I resemble a frickin' Smurf! It would feel like beating a dead horse if I did it again, but isn't the critter still kickin' if Hollywood can't learn by now?

Instead, I'll leave Hollywood with this time you want to blame piracy or the economy or whatever pet peeve you normally point your finger at whenever the discussion of a declining industry comes up, take a look at this. I'm sure I'm NOT the only one feeling this way, if the fact that The A-Team bombed like a Guns N Roses festival performance in 2010* is any indication. You pay your writers to be creative. Make them earn it.

* - Yeah, I realize that was kind of an unfair shot, given the circumstances around this particular story. There'll be more said about that to come...

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